Do I even need to begin this post with how much I've always been fascinated/passionate about the orphans in the world? As a little girl, I'd beg my mom to read me books about those "children without mommies and daddies" and as I got older, my passion for these children only increased. Prior to college, I'd try to ignore that tugging I felt at my heart...I knew that my plan was going to work out anyways, I mean, pshh- I had it all figured out and working overseas with orphans was definitely not exactly a part of it.I remember having this dream when I moved to college. In it, I was riding this bus down a red, dirt path in a third world country. As we rounded the corner, I could hear the cries of happiness and squeals of delight. I looked up and saw hundreds and hundreds of orphans. Barefoot, tattered clothing, not a penny to their name but the joy was contagious. I said aloud in my dream, "THIS! This is what the Lord has called me to do. THIS is what makes my heart beat."
When I awoke, I felt overwhelmed. The dream felt so real, but it didn't go with my current plan for life. Not to mention, why did I say, "This is what makes my heart beat?"- I had no idea.
Flash forward a few weeks later when I felt my world crashing down. I'm on my parent's bed, watching a Passion 2012 music video (with no idea what Passion was). My body feels numb, my heart bleeding sorrow, but suddenly something began to stir inside of me. The sight of those children standing on a trash pile in the busy city of Mumbai struck something in me. I truly felt the Lord speaking to me, and I could only respond in sobbing, for it was the first moment of clarity. "My dear daughter, this is why it had to happen. You were made for great things. I have given you a desire that goes beyond what you imagine for yourself. Allow me to break you, to wreck your life, and let me show you what living in abundance in Me looks like."
After that moment, I knew what I had to do. I was terrified, I was confused, but I was determined to do something radical for Jesus Christ.
I began contacting ministries, missionaries, and organizations that send college students overseas to serve. As I would interview, apply, and talk to them, I'd ask about serving in Uganda. Every time they replied with a, "We don't have a position for that, but have you considered South Asia*?"
"No, not really." - In fact, South Asia* was probably the least favored country to go to.
But, I continued searching and praying. Through multiple interviews and talking on the phone, it became uncanny, really, that South Asia was consistently the country brought up. I didn't understand why this seemed to be the only place available after contacting so many different people! So, I began to really pray."Lord, I don't think South Asia is for me. I don't even know anything about the country or the culture."
That month, I was assigned a 10 page research paper in my English class on the culture of...you guessed it, South Asia. But, I still didn't want to go, I had other ideas. And so did God.
"Okay, God. Okay, fine. If South Asia is where you want me to serve, then I need you to give me a passion so strong that I wouldn't even be able to consider going to Uganda. Give me a desire that outweighs any other desire in me. Stir in me a love for these people, a love that I cannot even explain." - Hahaha, I thought I was giving God an impossible task, really, I did.
God must've laughed.
"Okay, daughter. Let me show who sits on this throne."
Soon, my dreams at night and my thoughts during the day were consumed with South Asia. I'd sit in class, googling "orphans in South Asia*", pinning pin after pin on pinterest of these sweet, little brown faces...it was all I could think. I'd stay up late into the night watching documentaries made of the country, reading any blog I could find on the internet about it. While I was in Belize, my favorite place in the world, my mind was half way across the world...I didn't understand, until I realized that the Lord had answered that crazy prayer of mine.
I applied for a position to work at an orphanage in South Asia through a ministry and was accepted a few weeks later! Thrilled doesn't even describe how happy I was. It was surreal. We began making plans, talking about flights...and then my friends began pressuring me to apply for a position through a ministry on my campus. I refused to, I had already been accepted by another anyways!, but submitted my application at the last minute.
I received an email a week later asking me to attend an all-day interview for the position. I was hesitant and exited out of the email. That moment, I received a phonecall.
"Kaitlin? I am so sorry, but your trip to South Asia fell through...I know this is a disappointment, but we still have a position available for Uganda if you'd like to consider that."
It was in that moment I knew the Lord was testing me. Was I really going to follow after Him and go where He leads? Or was I going to go the comfortable route, to where my heart longed to go?I took a deep breath. I didn't know what lay ahead of me, I didn't know why it was happening, but I took a step of faith and told her, "That is disappointing, but I can't accept Uganda. I have to go to South Asia this summer."
The next week I was at the all-day interview with 80 other college students, interviewing again to serve in an orphanage in South Asia. While I was there, I was struck with fear. Lots of fear. I suddenly felt like a crazy person, why was I voluntarily sacrificing my entire summer to live in a remote village with no electricity, to bathe in rives with hippos, and to wash the grimy little bodies day after day? I had an urge to walk out of there, right then, and to find something a little more sane for the summer. Until I heard the pastor's words.
"Students- listen to me. Whether you are building wells in Africa or loving the orphans in South Asia, when you can look around at what you're doing and say THIS is what makes my heart beat!- Then you know that's what the Lord has called you do."
Goosebumps arose on my arms. Were those not the exact words I had spoken in my dreams, before I was aware of anything that was to come? The same words I was puzzled about, wrote about in my journal, and told my mom that day about my "strange dream". This wasn't coincidence. God was shining through once again, directing my steps, and affirming them.A week later I received an email. "Congratulations! You have been accepted to South Asia!"
51 more days. 51 more days till I become a mommy for a summer. A teacher for a village. A disciple in the darkness. A follower of Christ for a lifetime.
*For security reasons, the name of the country cannot be revealed due to to international security reasons. South Asia is a broad geographical location, to help conceal the missionaries who work in this country.*
These pictures were all taken on my Belize trip (while my mind was wandering to South Asia...)
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