God, I NEED you

The title says it all. I need God. I don't just love God, I don't just worship God, I don't just pray to God...I need God. This semester has shown me my utter dependence on Him...The Lord is my strength, cliche- but I don't know where I would be if it wasn't for my relationship with Christ.

Last night I took a trip down memory lane...A drawer held my past three years- photos of prom, date nights and kisses scattered around the many journals and handwritten letters containing heartfelt promises and wild emotions. Pressed flowers and notes passed in secrecy are found at the bottom, and tears make their way to my eyes. It really was a good relationship...it really was. We were each other's first love and the holder to one another's secrets, thoughts, and dreams. We grew up together, we cried together, we ended what we truly believed could be forever. And not once was it in my will. Not once was this what I felt God telling me. Not once do I feel that this was in the Lord's plans. But, He is working good through it.
This week, I learned that his eyes now follow another girl...my heart sunk, am I not good enough? No! No! I am good enough, I am worth it! He is the one who is not worth it now. In Christ, I am complete. In Christ, I am priceless! In Christ I find my identity.
I gathered a bundle of old letters and pictures and set them ablaze in my yard's fire pit. I stood there on the brick, hopping from one foot to the next, trying to keep warm, angry tears spilling down my cheeks.    Smoke engulfed my nostrils, stinging my eyes, I almost wished he was here to witness that I no longer hold onto him. A little Taylor Swift therapy, burning the past...setting my dreams ablaze, watching them burn to ashes...now, letting God take these ashes and allowing Him to create something so beautiful out of it. But, for now, the ashes lay in the pit...as if to remind me that what used to be, is now obliterated.
Everything in me screams to drive over to his home, to demand answers, to let him see what he longer holds. Yet, I have more dignity than that. I am better than that. I will not pursue the one who trampled my heart, no, I am waiting for the Lord to bring the right man into my life who will guard my heart, who will see me as a daughter of the King, a woman who longs to share the adventure of life with my husband someday. I pray for a man who will accompany me to foreign countries, love on the least of these, and protect and cherish the woman that God is creating me to be. I wonder where he is...