What is happening? What is God doing? Seriously? Everyone tells me, "You're so strong. God has a plan. There is a reason!" I don't see it. When I turned nineteen this month, I expected to see a young woman in the mirror. Now, when I look in the mirror, I see a young girl staring back at me. Her eyes tainted with a sorrow that penetrates to the bones. Her wrists thin with Philippians 4:13 written in black sharpie. Every movement is a struggle, every bite of food is a battle within. When she walks around, do people see the broken heart that aches with every breath? The heart that is pounding in the morning after a restless night of dreams of her first love? Apparently not. Apparently people see a young woman who has the trust we're called to have in the Lord when all trust has been broken on earth. Apparently they see a silent strength that speaks volumes. Apparently people see faith that will move the mountains I am struggling to climb. Apparently I have a joy within that is so evident that it is inspiring others around me. Apparently I am a testimony of Christ. According to the girls living with me on my hall, they see more than what I am seeing when I glance in the mirror.
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