Through the FIre

My first post. As I write, my hands ache. My fingers ache. My heart aches. My whole body aches. This pain is so deep...I didn't even know pain like this existed in this world.
I want to be out of this body. I want to feel normal again. I want to feel like singing, running, and jumping in joy. But I am shattered....I am so broken, and so weak.
What is God doing? Does He really believe I can handle this? I am at my absolute breaking point...I can't do this anymore. This is too much. Does the Lord see me shaking in anguish? Does He see my heart shattered? Does He watch over my sleepless nights? Does He see my body rejecting all food? The weight I'm losing? I don't want to be in this body any more...I want to be my old self again, it was so much easier...but I suppose that is the purpose of trials. I am going through the refining fire, and I want to escape; but how will I become the woman I was created to be if I run away from the trials? I will become stronger through this. The Lord is my guide. I will set these sails free, and the Lord will be my Navigator.